The news of Lela Star’s self-inflicted disfiguration sent waves of disgust through the porn viewing world and catapulted Boner-One to a level of fanboidom previously thought unattainable. Here was a whore with a near-perfect rack, which nicely compensated for some of her, ummmm, deficiencies. In one fell swoop, she threw it away forever.

This got me thinking: Out of the thousands of pairs out there, which whore has the most god-awful set of Bolt-Ons in the industry? I mean the most hideous, unnecessary and unappetizing pair of mangled mammaries in the biz. And who better to answer the question that the Award Nominated Preverts of XXX Porn Talk?

I decided against doing a poll, since, by their very structure, they tend to suggest their own answers and I wanted to gauge people’s immediate, gut reaction to the question. Additionally, polls are far too easily rigged, and you don’t need the proverbial ”army of alts” to do it. So I PM’ed what I thought was a reasonable cross-section of XPT posters representing a wide variety of tastes. The results were not entirely surprising:

At 45%, Danielle Derek was the runaway favorite, both in terms of number of votes and in terms of being posters’ first choice. Many posters included links to previous threads involving this poster child for recyclable materials. Surprisingly, though, nobody mentioned her unseemly ass implants. Perhaps the horror was too overwhelming.

As CAOH once described her: “Unsettling. Disgusting. Ridiculous. Horrifying. ”





Close upon Danielle’s heels is the beast known as GEN X. Most respondents, however, couldn’t remember her name. They called her “Horseface” or “ the freak who hangs out with Sal McGay.” or “the Mick Jagger looking skank from Malice’s office.” Just goes to show that you don’t need a memorable name to make a lasting impression.



Brianna Banks was another fan favorite. Rather than belabor the point, I’ll let the picture speak for itself:



While lesser lights like Wendy Whoppers, Candy Mason and Savannah Gold each received a few nods, XPT mainstays Anita Cannibal and Pam Peaks curiously received just one vote each.

One industry insider who declined to be named (beyond pointing out that it was not Darth) cast his only ballot for Echo Valley. I actually had to Google this one, and, suffice it to say, I’m amazed there were no other votes cast for this… person.



Some respondents simply could not name a specific whore. As one poster put it: Sorry, dude. I know ‘em when i see ‘em but i really dislike those bloated fake tits so i tend to ignore the name of the chick bearing them. If I see them in a flick I tend not to watch it.”

Said another: I find that I am a lot more forgiving of boob jobs if I have never seen the girl pre-enhancement… However, when a girl with exquisite natural breasts decides to go and get a completely unrequired boob job (regardless of the quality of the surgeons' work) then it pisses me off. All boob jobs are bad, but their badness is inversely proportionate to the natural attractiveness of the girl. If a girl I have no interest in gets huge, fake bowling ball implants, I couldn't give a fuck, but when Sunny Leone, Lela Star, Katsumi etc. get them, then it becomes a crime against nature in my opinion.”

Finally, there was the inevitable proponent of Bad Boobs. There’s always one in every crowd: “ I actually love fake bolt ons, in fact, the more fake they are the more I like em, something about a whore willing to deface herself in the pursuit of being a sex object just turns me on… Chelsea Charms is my favorite, many would say her tits are abnormal, me I think they are just too damn small, I love the way her nipples point to the side because they are so stretched out and fucked up!”



By The Numbers:

Danielle Derek: 8 votes
Gen X.: 6 votes
Briana Banks: 3 votes
Wendy Whoppers: 2 votes
Savannah Gold: 2 votes
Candy Mason: 2 votes
Echo Valley: 1 vote
Anita Cannibal: 1 vote
Pamela Peaks: 1 vote
Kaitlin Ashley: 1 vote
Leah Wild: 1 vote
Lovette: 1 vote
Daphne Rosen: 1 vote
Chelsea Charms: 1 vote