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LOL you're sweet, DB. Thanks for all the support and compliments you've given me-- they help a fragile ego surrounded by young beautiful girls all the time.

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How can she be so mistaken about me, after all I have done to send the right signals? I am not "sweet"....I am a horny bastard, i want to dip my own fountain pen into Holly's inkwell too and see what type of shit I end up writing for the 3 months that follow. I think Holly is really, truly the most erotic woman in porn...I wasnt joking about inviting her up to my Hotel room the next Time I am in Beverly Hills and playing Super Mario Brothers on the Hotel Guest services TV Menu, followed by "Hide the Bacon/Microwave the Ballpark Weiner" ... how could she have misjudged me so badly?

I've totally lost my touch....I am going to be kicked out of both the Dead Perverts Society, and the Society for Debauched, Idle, Wealthy, Over-Educated, Undersexed, Immature, 35-50 Single White Guys, Who-Still-Havent-Found-What-They're-Looking-For ... what will I now do on Tuesday nights?

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I make no boners about what I stand for or what I like....I hide nothing...as CAOH once said 'Das Burglhermeister wears his heart on his sleeve'...I have made enemies/enemas in porn because I abhor hypocrisy and feel a need (and receive orgasmic pleasure) from exposing it....

My infatuation and lust and overweening desire for Holly Randall has come to the fore lately, especially as I try to distance myself from certain Bonafide porn whores i mistakenly got too close too as friends, but things ultimately became confused....all along I should have been putting all of my eggs into Holly Randall's basket (or all of my sperm into her specimen cup as it were...)

Anyhow, Holly is a discerning, intelligent-yet-kind hearted woman, whose beauty and sex appeal has long been appreciated here at XPT. I think every member at XPT that has a penis, if he or she is honest with itself, will admit that Holly commands erectile attention...afterall, no less a person than our Moral Leader L--- F--- even dipped his figurative fountain pen into Holly's inkwell a few times and has written Volumes with the sexual ink obtained therein....Really Kids, how many of you literally had "Flying Sperm" in your house the other night when Holly's Nudes were finally posted online? I fucking had my sperms flying in Squadron Formation all over my house that night...it was like a goddamn Airshow in my computer room.

Holly sent me this Private message the other day and I am flummoxed:

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LOL you're sweet, DB. Thanks for all the support and compliments you've given me-- they help a fragile ego surrounded by young beautiful girls all the time.

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How can she be so mistaken about me, after all I have done to send the right signals? I am not "sweet"....I am a horny bastard, i want to dip my own fountain pen into Holly's inkwell too and see what type of shit I end up writing for the 3 months that follow. I think Holly is really, truly the most erotic woman in porn...I wasnt joking about inviting her up to my Hotel room the next Time I am in Beverly Hills and playing Super Mario Brothers on the Hotel Guest services TV Menu, followed by "Hide the Bacon/Microwave the Ballpark Weiner" ... how could she have misjudged me so badly?

I've totally lost my touch....I am going to be kicked out of both the Dead Perverts Society, and the Society for Debauched, Idle, Wealthy, Over-Educated, Undersexed, Immature, 35-50 Single White Guys, Who-Still-Havent-Found-What-They're-Looking-For ... what will I now do on Tuesday nights?

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seriously. shes not that hot.

stop it.

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Burg, seriously, this is shit best dealt with privately.
Maybe you people deal with things differently from us Southerners- there are some things we suss out within ourselves.
You're not gaining any points down here for being "honest and open".
Man up, motherfucker.

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Listen jonny Cash, in your own words that i want to sing to Holly As I ram into her from behind, back UND forth, in my wheel-chariot whilst she is bent over the coffee table in my Marriott Hotel suite:

Love Is a Burning thing
And it Makes a Fiery Ring
Bound By Wild Desire
I fell into a Ring of Fire

I FELL INTO...A BURNING RING OF FIRE
I WENT DOWN DOWN DOWN and the FLAMES WENT HIGHER
And it BURNED BURNED BURNED, The RING OF FIRE
THE RING OF FIRE


The taste Of love is sweet
When Hearts Like Ours Meet
I fell for ya Like a Child
Ohhh but the Fire Went Wild



And for the first 6-1/2 Months after I started posting here, but long before i met or even KNEW who the hell HOLLY RANDALL was....I thought your Johnny Cash Flipping the Bird Avatar was in fact...jerry Lee Lewis.

if I could bear children, i would have Holly Randall's baby.... for that, however, we would need a few flying donor sperm


I am NOT sweet...Holly's ego DOES NOT NEED TO BE FRAGILE....she's the absolute Goddess of Godesses in the Valhalla of Porn Chicks....If Holly made a actual, bonerfide Porn video, it would bring the entire industry to a screeching halt and, along with being the Porn Equivalent of an EVERLASTING GOBSTOPPER .... borrowing again from Willy Wonka Symbollism, the DVD featuring her sex scene's would sell faster than Wonka bars and the golden tickets. I would join my First true Fanclub, "The Holly Randall Fanclub for the previously-morally-upright-but-now-sexually-insane since Holly is now doing Real hardcore...yee haw..." I would cease leaving my abode, I would become like Howard hughes, locked inside my self-imposed exile, eating nothing but Cambell's Chicken Noodle soup and watching Holly's movie(s)....


The Power this woman has....*da burglar shudders* <Shudders>

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And with that, daburglar falls for another one. No good can come from this.

Again- man up, motherfucker.

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...the cage is a place to trade juvenile insults.

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...and see your shit posts.

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seriously. shes not that hot. stop it.

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Edited/Added for Emphasis: So you feel V, and your opinion means something, somewhere to someone. My contention is that if Holly was done up and primped and prepped like typical porn whores do prior to most shoots, then Holly would be even hotter than most of them...add to the fact that she is HOLLY RANDALL and the psychological factor/edge/appeal kicks in....it is what draws people to going out of their way to view and capture Celebrity NUDES...some of these celebrities are NOT THAT HOT, but people want to see them because, well, they are who they are. Holly's pretty fucking cute.... But like CAOH does in 89% of his threads, I regret making and posting this thread...I was trying to be funny and silly more so than simply expressing in another vein my desire to pork Holly (or even just jack off to her and send more sperm flying into the atmosphere...she doesnt perform so I cant be called a Holly Randall Fanboy, just simply a admirer from Afar with a ever-lasting gobstopper-ish crush on her...and in my case, she has nothing to fear cuz If I actually did approach her unawares like when she was emerging from having her nails done on a hot Tuesday Afternoon, she could simply wheel my ass into traffic and watch me squashed by an oncoming Bottled Water Delivery Truck, or bounce my ass down a flight of stairs. Gen Padova told me/taught me this...in my case I have nothing to lose by expressing my love to women via unzipping and waving my dick at them....I am crippled, when the cops approach all I have to do is shake alittle and drool, and the worst that will happen to me is a 72 hour psych-ward lockup with some good pills to eat (like XANAX, which I can hide inside my buttcrack and smuggle out and then SELL to desperate PORN CHICKS)

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(like XANAX, which I can hide inside my buttcrack and smuggle out and then SELL to desperate PORN CHICKS)

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You are very vcery cute, Holly Randall. I want to squirt my cum all over you.

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You are very vcery cute, Holly Randall. I want to squirt my cum all over you.

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I am touched, really I am.

Hey DB, if you wrote my press releases could you make me sound as awesome as Lori Lust?

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The Lori I'm talking about is the one that sends out these ridiculous self-praising press releases: http://www.lorilust.tv/indext.php?t=events&id=10

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lol WTF is that thing she is rubbing her pussy with? It looks like a Giant pine cone from the Blair Witch Project Set.

Gotta love her Hyperbole...."Best Body In The Business". I like how she said Catherine Bach (the original Daisy DUKE) was "Crying because even in her prime her body was never as good as mine..."

Sure holly, what Female Sexually Prolific icon from History do you wish to top? Cleopatra, Catherine the Great or Mata Hari? I figure we could release your next movie with the story about how you went undercover as a SPY in Afghanistan (ala mata Hari) and all you had to do was remove your burkha for 30 seconds in the presence of the TALIBAN high council and your face's sexual magnetism/beauty had them splooging all over their robes and sperm was "flying" everywhere, such that they were both blinded and embarrassed and U.S. Special Forces Swooped in during the sexually induced confusion and arrested them. This would highlight you as a True American Patriot/Sex Symbol as well as underscore you as "the most potent Jizz Magnet in Porn"....Sperm Just FLIES through the air when you enter a room and your face is revealed. i am always thinking....

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Holly once told me she ate small kittens alive with Luke while having sex to the beat of African drums.

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I heard that too.

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Holly once told me she ate small kittens alive with Luke while having sex to the beat of African drums.

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I heard that too.

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You know who introduced me to Cheech and Chong? My parents, and I will always thank them for that...

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And yet you turned out so normal!

Chu look goot to me, mang!

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Holly once told me she ate small kittens alive with Luke while having sex to the beat of African drums.

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I heard that too.

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Is that Kosher?

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Holly once told me she ate small kittens alive with Luke while having sex to the beat of African drums.

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I heard that too.

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Your avatar kicks ass. That's one of my favorite movies. You know who introduced me to Cheech and Chong? My parents, and I will always thank them for that...

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I'd love to blaze up with your mum...I bet she would be a TRIP and a half stoned with her vast trough of experience and stories from "the good old days"....

What does MaMA Randall (SUZE) think of such contemporary Pornographic staples like cumfart cocktails and these absurd Bukkake Endurance tests that the beautiful girls she once was called upon to shoot now must go through? What is Suze's take on the STATE of Porn and what disgusting, raunchy filth men jerk off to these days? Is She perturbed, sad or excited by the current state of Porn?

I'm hijacking my own thread but I always wanted to ask this shit of her.....but your MUM never posts here...now that would be a TRIP! Imagine the questions MAGED would have for Suze Randall...or Mike Meatmaster....he'd probably ask Suze. "WAS the moment you conceived Holly a Full Blown Creampie or was there any attempt to pull out? Was there any leakage..." You'd better Prep your mum first, even someone as seasoned as her might be freaked out by this place.

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Holly once told me she ate small kittens alive with Luke while having sex to the beat of African drums.

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I heard that too.

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Your avatar kicks ass. That's one of my favorite movies. You know who introduced me to Cheech and Chong? My parents, and I will always thank them for that...

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I'd love to blaze up with your mum...I bet she would be a TRIP and a half stoned with her vast trough of experience and stories from "the good old days"....

What does MaMA Randall (SUZE) think of such contemporary Pornographic staples like cumfart cocktails and these absurd Bukkake Endurance tests that the beautiful girls she once was called upon to shoot now must go through? What is Suze's take on the STATE of Porn and what disgusting, raunchy filth men jerk off to these days? Is She perturbed, sad or excited by the current state of Porn?

I'm hijacking my own thread but I always wanted to ask this shit of her.....but your MUM never posts here...now that would be a TRIP! Imagine the questions MAGED would have for Suze Randall...or Mike Meatmaster....he'd probably ask Suze. "WAS the moment you conceived Holly a Full Blown Creampie or was there any attempt to pull out? Was there any leakage..." You'd better Prep your mum first, even someone as seasoned as her might be freaked out by this place.

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Is that Kosher?

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My mom thinks the current state of most hardcore porn is disgusting. You gotta remember, she's old school. In fact, I get in trouble sometimes if I let things that are nasty slide, like ATMs.

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I have to ask....How exactly do you let a ATM "slide"? It seems to me, the entire fucke dup concept, sticking a dick in your mouth that just emerged from your rectum is a fairly conscious decision/act, which in the course of a porn scene I'd suspect was either called for ahead of time or improvised by the director.

Would I be correct in saying, that today's under 25 young porn chick demographic actually EXPECTS to suck a recently "assified" cock that was in her butthole? Do they actually say to you "Holly, i gotta taste this, and then see myself tasting it later .... Pleasssseeee lets include it in the footage?"

Fear not Holly Randall, we who are on your side know the TREMENDOUS pressure you are under to make your "product" as fucked up as everyone elses to appeal to the lowest common denominator ....


I'd love to see your Mom have a discussion with Brandon regarding his artistic expression:

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I challenge anyone who sees Haley Scott and her projectile cum vomiting to erase it from their minds.

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That pic of Haley Scott is an instant classic! I was pissed at the time it happened but couldn't be happier now that some perspective has been gained. I mean, how often does an attractive young woman get the opportunity to see how much cum fits in her mouth? It was a moment that won't soon be forgotten.

For the record, I have always been against the bigger companies who feel that their sanitized porn was somehow better or cleaner. I am not singling anyone out in particular, but sex is sex and we are all on the same level.

The fact that someone fucks on a $10,000 leather couch in a Malibu mansion means fuck all. Many of those movies will be forgotten. So will mine, no doubt, but I challenge anyone who sees Haley Scott and her projectile cum vomiting to erase it from their minds.

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My mom thinks the current state of most hardcore porn is disgusting. You gotta remember, she's old school. In fact, I get in trouble sometimes if I let things that are nasty slide, like ATMs.

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I have to ask....How exactly do you let a ATM "slide"?

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Burg, seriously, this is shit best dealt with privately.

Maybe you people deal with things differently from us Southerners- there are some things we suss out within ourselves.

You're not gaining any points down here for being "honest and open".

Man up, motherfucker.

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So true....Here we go again with the dreadfully bad judgement of da bungholio. Hey Holly, please be advised to NOT get to know this guy on a personal level. Keep it cutsey and you won't get hurt.

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Burg, seriously, this is shit best dealt with privately.

Maybe you people deal with things differently from us Southerners- there are some things we suss out within ourselves.

You're not gaining any points down here for being "honest and open".

Man up, motherfucker.

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So true....Here we go again with the dreadfully bad judgement of da bungholio. Hey Holly, please be advised to NOT get to know this guy on a personal level. Keep it cutsey and you won't get hurt.

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You realize that it has now gotten to the point where I actually LOOK FORWARD to your posts? It's like the little kid who used to always follow me around and stick his tongue out, after a while it ceased being annoying and I actually started to admire the little freak.

Comeon, $87.45 is what I offer right now, into your paypal account if you send me proof as to your identity. I promise I wont say ANYTHING...I just HAVE to know now.

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You must be a glutton for punishment judging by your endless drivel and lack of awareness of your own folly. I look forward to the day you hit the high road after burning your last bridge in your sad quest for attention. Judging by the messages I'm getting I'm not the only one who feels this way.

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The only thing you're getting is lockjaw from sucking so much cock.

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Well I've never asked for it specifically but when I shoot anal scenes a lot of girls tend to automatically do it-- and I hate to interrupt the flow and I'm a dirty girl so I leave it in the edit. When my parents discovered this I got lectured and had to promise we'd edit it out from now on. I mean, I had to battle with my mom for the title of "Slut School", because the word "slut" was in it. I know all you sicko XPTers are laughing at this, but my mom has that odd dichotomy going of a crazy, outspoken, swearing pervert mixed with a very traditional British sense of what's proper and what's just "bloody rude". In fact, the importance of table manners was drilled into my head so effectively that if I go on a date with a guy who doesn't hold his knife and fork in the European fashion, there's no way he has a future with me. I'm not kidding.

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You must be a glutton for punishment judging by your endless drivel and lack of awareness of your own folly.

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Oh I am fully aware of my own folly, trust me. But hey I appreciate you making sure I am aware. And yes I am a glutton...after lust and pride it is my favorite deadly sin. Not sure where/what this "punishment" is that you refer to as the object of my gluttony, unless you mean your posts. And "other messages"...? Good, nice to know people actually care enough to write someone like you...in fact that indirect, vicarious attention I am getting from them through you makes me want to .... I'll be right back....


OK Back....

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I look forward to the day you hit the high road after burning your last bridge in your sad quest for attention. Judging by the messages I'm getting I'm not the only one who feels this way.

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Well I've never asked for it specifically but when I shoot anal scenes a lot of girls tend to automatically do it-- and I hate to interrupt the flow and I'm a dirty girl so I leave it in the edit. When my parents discovered this I got lectured and had to promise we'd edit it out from now on. I mean, I had to battle with my mom for the title of "Slut School", because the word "slut" was in it. I know all you sicko XPTers are laughing at this, but my mom has that odd dichotomy going of a crazy, outspoken, swearing pervert mixed with a very traditional British sense of what's proper and what's just "bloody rude". In fact, the importance of table manners was drilled into my head so effectively that if I go on a date with a guy who doesn't hold his knife and fork in the European fashion, there's no way he has a future with me. I'm not kidding.

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Yeah, some of them just dig doing it, or more likely are just programmed to go for the gusto. I think Gia Jordan gave me my first quasi atm on film, Roxxxy Rush was jamming a dildo up her ass on a conference table, and Gia fucking snatched it like it was her soul trying to break free and escape and gagged on it. I didn't even request the dildo end up in the ass in the first place, let alone sucking the chrome finish off it afterwards, but it happened, and it was cinematic gold, like Charlton Heston parting the sea in the Ten Commandments.

Holly, your mom sounds like a sensible woman, and she may be on to something with the table manner requirement, any chick I went on a date with who couldn't hold a fork or knife correctly ALWAYS turned out to not be worth a shit intellectually now that I think about it.

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Well I've never asked for it specifically but when I shoot anal scenes a lot of girls tend to automatically do it-- and I hate to interrupt the flow and I'm a dirty girl so I leave it in the edit. When my parents discovered this I got lectured and had to promise we'd edit it out from now on. I mean, I had to battle with my mom for the title of "Slut School", because the word "slut" was in it. I know all you sicko XPTers are laughing at this, but my mom has that odd dichotomy going of a crazy, outspoken, swearing pervert mixed with a very traditional British sense of what's proper and what's just "bloody rude". In fact, the importance of table manners was drilled into my head so effectively that if I go on a date with a guy who doesn't hold his knife and fork in the European fashion, there's no way he has a future with me. I'm not kidding.

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Yeah, some of them just dig doing it, or more likely are just programmed to go for the gusto. I think Gia Jordan gave me my first quasi atm on film, Roxxxy Rush was jamming a dildo up her ass on a conference table, and Gia fucking snatched it like it was her soul trying to break free and escape and gagged on it. I didn't even request the dildo end up in the ass in the first place, let alone sucking the chrome finish off it afterwards, but it happened, and it was cinematic gold, like Charlton Heston parting the sea in the Ten Commandments.

Holly, your mom sounds like a sensible woman, and she may be on to something with the table manner requirement, any chick I went on a date with who couldn't hold a fork or knife correctly ALWAYS turned out to not be worth a shit intellectually now that I think about it.

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+1 on the manners requirements, Holly and Tuna Can. Same here if a guy has bad table manners.

The other thing I look for is if he knows which side he should be on when we walk down the street together. Then the OTHER big thing I notice is if he offers to walk me to my door instead of just dropping my off and driving off before I can even get my key in the door.

Tuna Can, thank you for letting me lose myself in the scene . I guess this post proves the dichotomy Holly's mom is talking about- I can fuck so hard my inner-whore comes out or be brash on xpt, but at the end of the day there's an importance of manners and decorum.

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I think you are just playing a whore on tv, you are a closet smart/classy chick.

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I think you are just playing a whore on tv, you are a closet smart/classy chick.

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That describes the perfect girl for most guys, minus the fucking on film part. Smart, classy, attractive chick by day and total slutty pornstar in bed at night.

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The other thing I look for is if he knows which side he should be on when we walk down the street together.

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The other thing I look for is if he knows which side he should be on when we walk down the street together.

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A gentleman walks on the OUTSIDE (traffic side) to protect the fair damsel from puddle splashes (Vancouver or Seattle) or drive-bys (LA)

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