Wow, it was a rocky year for the XPT. These are in no specific order. Other inclusions are surely welcomed.
Some Highlights:
1.
Arab & Loop's Nazi Hunnies. Mindless devotion to tyranny never looked so beautiful. 560 posts to 4268 views, easily the best ratio ever on XPT.
2.
Smartt promises to leave XPT if anyone can guess his avatar. Cassandra calls him out, wins the bet, and Smarrt renegs. Fucking Brazillians.
3.
The Girls of Tony Malice's Office.
They're thin, they're fat, they're short...they are every walk of like looking for redemption in porn. God love 'em for tryin'.
4.
AC - Life as a fanboy. I don't know where the pictures came from, don't care, it is a memorial to how
not to behave, groom, eat, live, anything...it's all just wrong.
5.
Alyssa West: 9 month pregnant hooker. We knew late last year that Tony's favorite crackhead Alyssa West had another bun in the oven. We didn't learn 'till later that she was not only soliciting tricks on Craigslist, but (according to Luke) she was doing porn until
the day before the baby jumped out and tried to run away. Never mind the inevitable meltdown when Tony and Alyssa hook up on IM, Ally's fellow coathangerless hooker buddy Sammura came in and got a nice smackdown herself.
6.
Porns rudest male talent award= Kurt Lockwood. Yes, Curt, we put your name up in the big lights of XPT. You seemed to get a real boner out of that...and where has it gotten you? Two nameless girls come to your defense. Well, at least you(they) typed in mixed cases.
Some Lowlights:
1.
ChristianXXX eating cum and doing ass-to-mouth.
Trying to knock one of XPT's best posters "in the biz," this thread showed up like a Crip at a carjacking, and proceeded to exceed the Kate "Porn is Homophobic" thread in the number of responses, if not in sleaze. Christian parlayed this into some free pub in the
Village Voice, which has the intellectual value of a peanut, but has a circulation 100x that of the
AVN News.
2.
make SMARTT a Moderator.
I don't know how or why this idea got started, but I knew it sucked because Ceara's poop-eating fanboy Ben started it. Smartt ate it up like it was a Brazillian penis. He makes the rules...blah blah...within a few months Jamesn and have2cit goaded this child molester into the mother of all meltdowns. Those are the rules, bitch!
3.
The straight porn industry is homophobic
I don't really wanna reiterate this one...16 pages (depending on your setup) of the worst drivel ever. Kate managed to lure just about everyone into this one, and also spawned many equally-pathetic spinoff threads, like
Does Club Jenna discriminate against bisexual men?, and
John Stagliano appears to be a hypocrite. It finally came to and end
here.
4.
Rog's Neu Wave Hookers review.
As expected, Eon McGay's big film got zero stroke value credits from anyone, which didn't stop AViaNbirdflu's crack staff of asskissing=revenue minions from instantly calling for it to replace
Citizen Kane in the pantheon of filmography.
5.
What's happening with Courtney Simpson?
Nice Whore Meltdowns:
1.
Riley Shy, Criminal Mastermind??
Did she find that check and forget where it came from? Was she really trying to rip off Derek Hay's pimp hand? She promised to re-post the truth about her little financial escapade, but never really got around to it. What really melted her were the XPT characterizations of her stoner, emo-haired suitcase pimp of a boyfriend as a stoner, emo-haired suitcase pimp. In reality he is a certified health club trainer, an aeronautical engineer. I believe you, Riley. I also believe your annual salary on your
MySpace profile, which equates to about
$15,600 per scene you did this year. But with friends such as Tom, Hailey Young and William Hyde, you're in good.
2.
I Hate Dakota Cameron
If Smelly Monkey goes after a whore enough, chances are their meth-impaired "fight or flight" response will force a response, and Dakota Cameron's retort was extra special, not only because it was a drugged-up EVAN SEINFELD ALL CAPS meltdown, she had to steal roomie Jenna Presley's laptop and XPT user id to accomplish it. But things worked out well, we got the uninhibited Jenna P as a poster, and Dakota and her "cousin" soon washed out of porn.
3.
Cindy Crawford.
I don't know what it is with the SM and Cindy. By all accounts she is a hardworking part of the porn community. But every time the SM gets a kick into her midsection, it's followed by a response which indicates her repudiation of said attack, but an admission that, at the end of the day, she takes cum on the chin for cash.
4.
Kara Bare Exclusive Scar Pics.
Nice...just before they are ready to laud Kara for being such a good new whore...she runs off into a hissy fit temper tantrum and slits her wrist with the wrong end of a butter knife...surely an attention grab. Luckily enough...Kara was nice enough to show up at JM to gleefully photograph the healing scars of doom.....
Good stuntcock meltdowns:
1.
Leah Luv beats up on 3SomeBody.
3SB is a great ADT whorette. Unfortunatly , when she stumbled into the Cage for a snipe fight with Leah Luv...Little Miss Braces showed up with with some firepower. BTW...3SB...come back...we love ya babe...come on and join the fun!
2.
Ryan Knox. The preview trailer of
Reverse Bukkake 2 had Ryan defending himself to a certain degree...before finally giving up. Props, Ryan.
3. Brandon Irons. Any search will recount these.
4.
Curt Lockwood. Man, this guy is out there. A two line email melts this guy down into a meth-fueled craze of capitalization for the next hour. God only knows what he is capable of...I'd bank on a new world powerlifting record given a picture of Luscious Lopez and a microgram of PCP.
4.
Veronica Jett melts down TJ Cummings.
Apparently TJ Cummings was sending around some creepy e-mails...huh must have been Monday.... I don't know Veronica or TJ...but she beat the boy like a dying beanbag chair and didn't let up; so +1 to VJett.
Best XPT stick fights 2006:
1.
Christian vs. Tara.
ChickenMaster summed this one up, "In the right corner we have CCCChhhrrristianXXX, 200+ pounds of man pounding baldness. In the left corner we have ssseeexxxxcity, 100+ pounds of whiny turd shit who means nothing.
Winner: Christia3X by unaninous decision.
2.
have2cit vs. el glorioso..
"You're a greasy third world donkey" vs. "I throat-fucked your Mom." In true classic XPT "You'll have to kill me first" style, this one wound up one night at just after midnight...and started right back up just after eight in the morning.
Winner: no one, it was too damn funny. Turned "gagfactor" into a verb.
3.
Cassandra vs. Rob Longshot.
An (unfortunate) XPT flash in the pan (not by her own) and an XPT veteran exchange words.
Winner: Cassandra wins, Longshot leaves porn and moves to Florida.
4.
jamesn/have2cit vs. Smartt.
Oh man, the precursor to the end...J & H hounded this baby rapist day and night until he threatened to flood the cage with his pre-programmed festival of shitty threads...they did...he did...we're still here.
Winner: Smartt laying dead in genpadova.com
5.
Leah Luv vs. Threesomebody.
Could anyone have accurately anticipated the stick fight to come between porn's nicest ADT shill "Threesomebody" and porn's best brace-face stickifghter...Leav Luv!
Winner: Leah Luv in TKO.
Some really bad posters this year:
1. Smartt
2. Kate/Arthur
3. Pornactorforhire
4. William Hyde
Who Needs To Come Back:
1. Smiling Arab
2. 2cums
3. Maged
4. CAOH